3.31.2008

Anxiety

Have you ever had the feeling that SOMETHING is going to happen but you have no idea what? You just feel like you're waiting and waiting.... Well, that's what I'm feeling tonight. I'm sure you don't care.
Might you like to know that I sent the application out? Would you like to read some of what FDU is getting? Here you go, I hope you like it and I hope FDU likes it even more! Let me know what you think!



The heat climbs the subway stairs and meets her near the top. She pushes her coarse blond hair off her face, revealing smudged eyeliner and red eyes. She can’t believe she had stayed there; it is even harder to believe that her conscience woke her up before dawn and got her out of his apartment before he woke.
She curses the unreliable 6 train; reaches into her purse for her Ipod. At least she will have good music. She chooses the playlist he made for her two years ago; the only one that was never off of her Ipod. She remembers feeling nostalgic the night before. The chords that felt so fulfilling and uplifting last night as she made this journey in reverse seem dissonant and dark this morning, she can hardly believe it was the same music.
Two songs later, a train finally arrives. The song is upbeat, but hardly uplifting. She sits in the empty car, closes her eyes and loses herself in the whirling guitar as the singer’s voice bounces between her ears.
She forgets where she is coming from, where she is going, and most importantly, what this song felt like 2 years ago. The song is new again; the words are familiar, but have new meaning. Her mind runs with the melody of the song and she doesn’t notice when a group of boys get on at the next stop until they nearly fall in her lap walking across to the other end of the subway car. High school boys breaking rules, she thinks; they speak loud and drunkenly. She turns the volume up and sinks further down into the hard, plastic orange seat, wrapping her scarf tighter around her neck.
She hears yelling, and, not caring, she decides to turn the volume dial all the way up. She doesn’t hear the gun fire. She feels it, though. She feels the sliver of metal enter her chest. She feels the heartless, gloating grin of the boy who shot her. She sees the twinkle in his eye; it reeks of relief. He was looking for someone to shoot, he felt a need to do this tonight. She smiles back, she knows she won’t see the next stop on the train, closes her eyes as the song ends and melts into the next.

1 comments:

Lyndsey-Jane said...

I'm hooked. Hope they like it as much as I do. It's fantastic. You are so clever.